Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Poem

I scanned over this poem because it was so long.
Then I found myself going back to it and I am so glad I did.
What an encouraging message for all of us!
 
Wait
by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. ...

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."


Saturday, November 23, 2013

The Battle

When we started this adoption process almost two years ago, I saw adoption as all butterflies and rainbows.  If you can remember back to the very first blog post I wrote, we wanted to adopt one baby boy. Back then I thought we would bring home our baby boy and live happily ever after.  I didn't think we would have much of a problem with bonding or attachment.  After all, the older the child gets, the more difficult it is for them to adjust. We saw ourselves getting him home, getting him settled in, and then getting pregnant again and continuing our family.
Simple. Easy.
 
Never would I have imagined I would be smack dab in the middle of the most difficult battle I have ever fought in my life.
 
The Lord has changed our plans over and over again.  The Lord has made our plans His plans.
He has shown us what is important to Him verses what is important to the world.
He gave us strength to go with the flow when our situation with Ethiopia started raveling out of control.  He is giving us peace as we fight for our little ones in Congo.  He is giving us hope as we pursue the little one he has for us in the U.S.
 
I have four children.
A two year old gift from God who amazes me every day with how precious she is.
A 3 year old son who loves to play with cars and has the deepest eyes I have ever seen.
A 4 year old girl who wears hats and dresses and smiles all the time.
A sweet little baby who I have yet to see but love and yearn for all the same.
 
Having three children in limbo is taxing on this mama's heart. 
In all of this chaos, my biggest battle is not trying to get Isryelle and Boaz home.
My biggest battle is not filling out document after documents trying to get "paper ready" to be matched to an infant here in the U.S.
My biggest battle is controlling my emotions and making sure that God gets the glory through every step of every adoption process we ever go through.
 
You would think that after two years of God showing himself faithful, my faith would be unwavering.....its not.
I have to fight every single day to remember that God is all faithful.
I have to tell the devil every single day that I will not listen to his lies.
I have to remember that God cares more about my children than I ever could.
Some days I want to be angry that my two children are stuck in the Congo. Some days I don't understand how that is just.  Some days I feel like my prayers do not matter. 
 
I know deep down that the Lord has an amazing plan for my life and the life of our children.
All I want is for Him to use me.  I want to serve Him.
My kids will come home...the Lord will be faithful.
I don't want to waste this time pouting and doubting.
When my kids come home, I want to be able to say that God got all the glory through the whole process.
 
So if you want to know how to pray for us...pray that God gets all the glory through this whole process.  Pray that people are moved by God's power and faithfullness in our lives. 

Friday, November 15, 2013

Some Big News!

Are you tired of this emotional roller coaster yet?
I am not going to lie, we feel like we are ready for the roller coaster to end.
You know that moment when you finally realize that is is over....
The moment when the continuous loops and sudden drops finally stop....
You no longer feel like you are going to throw up your lunch....
You can breath.
 
Well, the Lord has us on a WILD roller coaster and it does not appear to be coming to a complete stop anything soon!
We got more news from the D.R.C. and have finally come to terms with the fact that we will most likely not be getting our kids home anytime soon.
There is a good chance it will be a year plus some before they are sleeping in their own beds.
We are heart broken for them.
We are heart broken for us.
We know that the Lord has an amazing plan for their futures and we trust Him to care for them while we wait.
 
So here we are sitting around, praying, waiting, hoping, when out of the blue Gavin says, "I think we need to look into domestic adoption....just while we wait."
My initial reaction was that it seems logical to bring another child into our family while we wait but my heart was still feeling sad and confused.
I figured it wouldn't hurt to look into it so I spent the day researching our options.
 
By the end of the day I came to the conclusion that there was absolutely no way we could pay for a domestic adoption.  These adoptions happen fast....like under 6 months fast sometimes.
We have been adopting for two years and are so broke!
I prayed that Gavin would have clarity on the situation.
I needed him to KNOW without a doubt that this is what God was calling us to do.
I felt so confused by what made sense and what my heart wanted.
 
When he got home...he knew.
He would not even let me argue all the what-ifs with him.
He had been seeking wisdom and the Lord answered and Gavin told me there was no going back.
We had to go get our child who is here...in the U.S.
 
So long story short, we are not adopting two...but three children.
Two from Africa and one from the United States.
I am still grieving the change a little bit...I want Isryelle and Boaz home so bad it hurts.
I am also beginning to let myself get excited about what the Lord could have for us in the future that we never expected.
 
The Lord has provided the money to get started in amazing ways.
He has opened doors for us in the same way he opened doors for us when we started our first adoption process. 
 
This adoption will cost around $25,000.
 
I am not going to lie, in my head this seems impossible.
We have fund raised the heck out of every single person we know for the last two year.
We have already applied for many of the grants that are out there.
I feel like a crazy person for even starting this process...but I have faith that the Lord will take care of it.  His track record in our lives is perfect.
 
Where he guides, He provides!
 
How you can help?
1.  Pray!  I put this as #1 because I really do believe it is the best thing you can do for us!
2.  I need some fundraising ideas or financing options.  I am really out of ideas so if anyone has any please share in the comment section below!
3.  If you feel led, you can help bring our baby home on a financial level.  Just follow the link below.
 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

From a Child's Lips.

I have a friend who adopted a little girl who lived in a foster home with our kids for some time.
She often sees pictures of our children on our private facebook page and tells her mom all sorts of fun stories about her life at the foster home.
Well yesterday I asked my friend to ask her daughter what our kids were like and what they like to do.
Her response was too precious...I just had to share.
 
About Isryelle
 "loves to dance, wear nice dresses, nice shoes, loves E(my friends daughter doesn't cry much, her eyes seem to hurt fairly often - she scratches them and they get gummy (one in particular), she's a nice girl, loves to play and loves to dance with the kids, loves to play with balloons and balls."
 
About Boaz
'he sick in his nose' lots of colds and runny nose, hurts him in his nose, she used to wash him, sometimes A (another little girl) would slap him (she's a little kiddo) loves playing with A - despite the slapping;) loves balls too (but really, there toys are pretty limited there!) likes the 'beach' which I still can't figure out where that is - she talks about a big pool and beach..., likes being in the water there. Loves looking for rocks, loves to smile
 
Luke 2:9
But Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart.
 
Like Mary, I am treasuring up every little piece of information I get on the kids and pondering it in my heart over and over again. 
What a blessing it was to see what this little angel had to say about our littles!