Bad News....

I got a call today from our dossier coordinator.  She started the call with "I have some bad new and I am not sure how to tell you."  As you can imagine, my heart droped.  It felt like an eternity waiting for her to tell me the news.  My mind went wild imagining what it might be.  I even contemplated the idea that they were not going to let us adopt and all that work was for nothing.

It was not the worst news ever but it sure did break my heart.  A large portion of our dossier is going to need to be sent back to us for us to do over again.  Our notaries stamp expires in April of 2013.  Our agency needs the stamp to be good for at least 14 months.

This should have been caught when I e-mailed the dossier to our coordinator to check it over before sending it to the secretary of state.  But it wasn't.  The problem was not caught until now.  Now that we spent the money to have everything authenticated.  Now that we thought we were officially on the waiting list.  Now that we had breathed a breath of relief at having the dossier sent off.

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed today.  How am I going to wait another month or two to send in our dossier?  How am I then going to wait for our referral?  Then how will I wait to see their faces and hold them for the first time?  Then how will I wait to bring them home.  This whole process is so full of heartbreak, yet I know that is will be so beautiful in the end and I will hardly even be able to remember this part.

I feel like I am at the end of my rope although I know that God does not give me more than I can handle so I must have more.  I have had all day to process the information that I pretty much have to do our dossier over again and I still don't know how I feel.  I am not angry because that would just be sinful.  I am not even sad because what is the point.  I will just sit down at my computer and start over again.  I will re-type and print everything that I need to and get it notarized.  Then send it off to the secretary of state with a check that is far too large.  Then when we get it back we will make more copies and make a new disc for translation.

We will be praying for strength in this time and ask that you pray with us.  This time of waiting is hard enough without having to do papers that I spent the last eight months gathering over again.   I know that the news could have been a lot worse.  I know that we are still so very blessed to even be in this situation.  It is incredibly obvious to me that this IS God's timing.  He had our coordinator miss a very obvious mistake.  Through this whole process we have watched God hold us back from submitting our dossier.  We have watched him cause glitch after glitch to make sure we do not submit our dossier too soon.  We are completely trusting in his plan.  He IS working here!  It is not the way we saw him working in our little human minds but He is working.  He loves us and He loves our kids.  He WILL come through for us!