The Battle

When we started this adoption process almost two years ago, I saw adoption as all butterflies and rainbows.  If you can remember back to the very first blog post I wrote, we wanted to adopt one baby boy. Back then I thought we would bring home our baby boy and live happily ever after.  I didn't think we would have much of a problem with bonding or attachment.  After all, the older the child gets, the more difficult it is for them to adjust. We saw ourselves getting him home, getting him settled in, and then getting pregnant again and continuing our family.

Simple. Easy.

 

Never would I have imagined I would be smack dab in the middle of the most difficult battle I have ever fought in my life.

 

The Lord has changed our plans over and over again.  The Lord has made our plans His plans.

He has shown us what is important to Him verses what is important to the world.

He gave us strength to go with the flow when our situation with Ethiopia started raveling out of control.  He is giving us peace as we fight for our little ones in Congo.  He is giving us hope as we pursue the little one he has for us in the U.S.

 

I have four children.

A two year old gift from God who amazes me every day with how precious she is.

A 3 year old son who loves to play with cars and has the deepest eyes I have ever seen.

A 4 year old girl who wears hats and dresses and smiles all the time.

A sweet little baby who I have yet to see but love and yearn for all the same.

 

Having three children in limbo is taxing on this mama's heart. 

In all of this chaos, my biggest battle is not trying to get Isryelle and Boaz home.

My biggest battle is not filling out document after documents trying to get "paper ready" to be matched to an infant here in the U.S.

My biggest battle is controlling my emotions and making sure that God gets the glory through every step of every adoption process we ever go through.

 

You would think that after two years of God showing himself faithful, my faith would be unwavering.....its not.

I have to fight every single day to remember that God is all faithful.

I have to tell the devil every single day that I will not listen to his lies.

I have to remember that God cares more about my children than I ever could.

Some days I want to be angry that my two children are stuck in the Congo. Some days I don't understand how that is just.  Some days I feel like my prayers do not matter. 

 

I know deep down that the Lord has an amazing plan for my life and the life of our children.

All I want is for Him to use me.  I want to serve Him.

My kids will come home...the Lord will be faithful.

I don't want to waste this time pouting and doubting.

When my kids come home, I want to be able to say that God got all the glory through the whole process.

 

So if you want to know how to pray for us...pray that God gets all the glory through this whole process.  Pray that people are moved by God's power and faithfullness in our lives.