Thursday, April 18, 2013

Why we REALLY left our agency - part 4

The day after we chose to leave, we came into contact with some really wonderful people who helped us decide where to go to next.
We knew it was not time for us to give up, just time to change direction.
 
We started talking to attorneys who we though might be able to help us with getting some money back.  We had paid the international fees for both children.  These fees covered lawyer fees and such AFTER we got a referral.  We never got a referral so we thought we might have a chance.

After a couple months of working towards the goal of getting the money back, we realized that it was just not going to happen.  We cut our losses and decided it did not matter.  It is all the Lords money anyways.  We put it where he wanted us to put it and that is all that matters.
 
 
The lawyers help point us in the directions of some agencies who they believe are ethical. 
These lawyers are the people called when an agency is not ethical and something goes wrong.
If anyone would be able to tell us who we should us, it would be them.
 
We thought about going back to American World Adoption Agency.  Ironically, they are the agency we started with.  We knew we could move forward with a very ethical Ethiopian adoption with them.
Staying on track with Ethiopia would likely mean a 3-4 year wait.  We have been at this adoption for 18 months and we did not want to wait that long for a child.

I had seen a little boy a few months back who was waiting in The Congo(yes it was our Boaz).  I was sure he would have been adopted by now but remembering him made us think of The Congo and the agency he was with.
 
So we narrowed it down to two agencies.  DCRAS...which we still believe is a wonderful option, and All Blessings International.  We loved the feeling we got when talking to both agencies.  We felt confident that they were both ethical.  Only one of them had our kids...All Blessings International.
 
Gavin and I felt strongly that we were not going to wait for a referral.  We did not want to wait for someone to find us children when there were already children waiting for homes.  We discussed only adopting one child since we already lost $25,000 and a Congolese adoption is more expensive than an Ethiopian adoption.  We discussed adopting older to avoid the corruption that comes along with infant adoption. 

We decided to tell All Blessings that we were open to a child ages 0-5.  We told them we would adopt more than one but would also be fine with just one child. The next day, they sent us picture of two different kids.  The coordinator, lets call her "K" told us that they had six waiting children but these are the two she wanted us to look at.  Those two kids are now our little Boaz and beautiful Isryelle.

This journey was a tough one but also one that grew our faith.  We feel confident that we made the right choice for us and would not change our minds if we could.  Sometimes it gets hard waiting.  We would have had Ethiopian kids home this summer.  Now we are looking at waiting until 2014 to have kids home.  God literally pushed us through wide open doors to get us to the point we are at.  He reminds us on a regular basis that these are our kids and He has us right where he wants us.  We are still praying that those kids come home as soon as possible, but we are patiently waiting on God's perfect timing.

We still think that adoption is an amazing way to show God's love.  We hope to adopt again, and again, and again.  We hope we will get a chance to bring home a child from Ethiopia one day.  We know for a fact that there are ways to complete an ethical international adoption.  We have realized that it take a lot of research and discernment to find an organization that will help adoptive parents complete an ethical adoption.  Sometimes, agencies that are working ethically don't have the timeline or the rules that we want to follow.  Next time we adopt, we will put what we want aside and think of what is best for the child. 

I am not writing this to scare people away from international adoption.  I simply want to educate families on the importance of choosing an ethical agency.  The sad truth is that finding an unethical agency is not like finding a needle in a hay stack.  There are so many "bad" agencies out there but there are also many great resources to find out which ones those are.

Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions.
heartforadoption@hotmail.com



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